HELP ME

In our life we all want to achieve many thing and just like other me too but because of my sins I can’t, the burden of my sins is too much that it has made me far from my family, I have become aggressive , sometime I think I will go insane ,I can’t breath, I really want to die but I can’t. so what happen with me let me tell you about myself.

I am 14 years old, including me we are 4 siblings ,I am two faces,as for the appearance I am just normal, I am chubby and not very attractive nor good at studies. In front of the whole world I am innocent, quiet , but at home I am lion only for my siblings of course I respect my parent and I can’t hurt them with my truth.

My father is from countryside and my mother is from city. My mother is only child of my grand mother while my father including 11 siblings , quiet a big family! yeah let move to the topic . After marriage my father moved to my mothers house and after one year I was born and then my twin siblings.So when we were about 5 or 6 years old my father decided to moved to countryside for sometime but everything was not as it was planned , but soon my mother start become suffocated from the that area and decided to come back after some time my twin siblings were back too I was the only one who stayed there for 3 years.I was quiet simple there and live there was like no internet , no computer just like in city so after spending 3 years there i decided to come back.

After that when I return a whole new world was introduce to me, now I can eat junk food anytime ,using internet and computer late night. My all good habits were turning bad.But one day using computer late night I found something that I shouldn’t and that was pron . This word ruined my whole teenage. The more I watch I got addicted to it like a drug what made it worse when I got my own phone and all night I will watch it and then I came across a pron side I start taking nude pictures on my phone but then I found myself guilty and decided to leave it but than I found a new world that was asian drama(k-drama, c-drama and kpop) I start enjoying my new world not knowing that I was becoming addicted to that.After that I want to become beautiful like them but I can’t suddenly I start becoming aggressive I start fighting with my sibling there was’t one day that went without fighting but I have to stop it because it was affecting my mother’s health .For the time being it was stop but it was attache to me.

Now it is getting worse everyday no one know about it , its eating me from inside I can’t tell my family or my friend I start thinking too much my brain is a mess I can’t focus on my studies I a becoming worse everyday .Everyday I have pretend that I am happy but I am not I want enjoy my life as a normal kid .